I think that putting the focus on our own marriages is a great idea…the one thing I would say in rebuttal is that it is often the husband who brings the ex-wife into the current relationship. He could barely care enough for me after 9 months, does he care about any of these girls and if he isnt 'ready for a serious commitment' as he told me why is he trying to meet any girl (by the way, some are NOT pretty at all)? Susan, Great article – and I can’t emphasize enough that the marriage relationship must come first. Babe US. I think he finally got it through his thick skull and he calmed down. Let’s find out! He asked me if we can be friends because he doesn’t want to lose me. Daily. There’s no need to shoot for being best friends. What you say is true. Time to reconstruct? View Profile View Forum Posts Member Join Date Jan 2011 Posts 117 Gender Female. As for Wednesday’s point about the intrusive and uncooperative ex-wife…no easy solutions but I have found that no one has power unless we give it to them. They also feel inferior because they are not the “real” moms. So I just wanted to point that out. You set a good example for us all. I am stronger each day and KNOW very well he is not the one for me and has so many issues that are beyond my control. It's simply that after everything, I think about the good times we did have and how he will always have a piece of my heart. Why do exes come back? Remember that. She never cheated but did things behind my back and i stopped trusting her. Well he did NOT like that email at all. Wednesday Martin» Blog Archive » Love, Lust, Sex, Power, Romance: Is There a Third Partner in Your Marriage? January 26, 2010. I would welcome anyone’s tips–especially an expert like you–about just exactly HOW a woman with stepkids who is dealing with an uncooperative and/or undermining ex-wife can redirect her own focus in order to give energy to the stepcouple rather than the person producing static. I went NC though we have talked a little over the last 2 weeks because we have run into each other(have many mutual friends). And speaking of the ex-wife, I kicked her out of my head a long time ago. He’s always getting so emotional over everything that I say or do. Then it becomes an issue between you and your husband. After awhile, you do start caring about the ex. hello kate my ex tried to reach me out again days after i wrote here through our common friend on fb mssgnr(i wasn’t even read your reply yet). etc. . We ALL need it. It is so easy to lose the sense of “us as a couple” in the middle of all the chaos. Give us a break! And neat site, I came via Wednesday Martin! First there’s jealousy. Display as a link instead, × Some days I question if the misery it puts me through is even worth it. Hi. It sounds as if you are NOT completely over him... Go NC until you are and this wont bother you at all. Are we examining every move of the ex and not able to move on? Since an ex who wants you back is likely to do the opposite of what you expect, here are four real signs that he secretly wants you back. One sentence really resonated […]. Mindy Gold. Clear editor. I don’t blame you. - YouTube It shocked me so much I sort of sat there with my mouth open for about ten minutes before I could even respond. This would be true for stepmothers as well. Not sure if Ill hear back from him, but dont really care. There are only 2 possible reasons why an ex-boyfriend or an ex-girlfriend would do that: Due to anger and bitterness for a perceived unfair treatment. Do you find yourselves as a couple colluding in anger against HER (or HIM? Does your relationship feel more like a threesome than an intimate twosome? I just deleted him AGAIN from fb and emailed him explaining I just cant be friends. If I don't miss my ex, then why do I care that he has a new girlfriend? Breaking up with your ex can be a very trying time in your life. By Again, this is no small task and we all have had our “days” when we needed to back up and regroup and begin again with a different perspective. To some point the ex is inherently part of ones life when it comes to the children/issues like that, but it’s easy to obsess on this. You don't need sh*t like that! I am his first serious gf. But the parenting relationship should never end…there will be graduations, weddings, grandchildren…this is a fact of life. And that is 100% right. The divorce rate for second marriages is ridiculously high for a reason. Oh I agree with your advice – I think the point I was trying to make is that putting all the blame for “caring about the ex” on teh current spouse is not always fair or a good reflection on reality. Let’s face it, a woman could be THE MOST mature person on the planet and struggle with the dynamics of a stepfamily and being a stepmother. Susan. No one likes to think of their husband with another woman, but the reality is that most of us remarry men with an ex-wife and children. I agree, we need to focus on the current marriage, the one we are in, not the one our partner left behind. He is my Prince Charming!” she will instead be thinking something like, “He doesn’t get it. I need to make something clear. Just cut him out of your life!! Licensed Professional Counselor 6 cute, non-boring ways to tie a scarf ... Weird things we ALL do when an ex starts dating someone new. Anyone else want to share their successes and coping skills when bad stuff stuff happens? He is a guy, we think with our penis', of course he is going to try to attract women in his life. I wish my family would quit "stalking" the people that don't matter and then trying to "update" me on them. I think every woman partnered with a man with kids needs this encouragement to re-direct her energies and her focus whenever possible, even (perhaps especially!) He’s really trying so hard to please me. Have you ever thought about what your stepcouple relationship would be like if you didn’t obsess about the EX? She is getting on with the break up alot easier, she ended it while i still wanted to work things out. Ever think about the power she (or he) has in your life and the energy she uses? I agree with Joy in Reply 16. The kids pick up on it and feel torn, confused and angry. Thanks for sharing! So while it may be fairly easy in some situations to ignore the ex herself, it is often almost impossible to ignore, or not be obsessed with, the alienated children, especially when they are abusive, angry, and violent. It’s much easier, and it feels much better to be angry at the ex and keep her in a hostile place in your heart. I repeat WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT THE EX? Another possible reason why your ex doesn’t care that you’re truly sorry is… 2. Stepmoms tend to demonize the ex to feel better about themselves. And in some extreme cases, legal action must be taken if the ex-spouse is interfering in ways that are destructive or oppose the agreed upon parenting plan. You are wise to point out that space needs to be given to one’s husband and their ex-spouse so that they can communicate clearly about the needs and parenting of their children. Please don’t tell me what my ex is doing . But finally he realized that this compromise–I’ll be happy with him if he’ll let me avoid them–sort of works. Being a strong marital team will help take care of this kind of ex-wife. That should be quite enough to show him. Skin Care Uniquely You Fashion. It’s an old, out of date relationship!” If there are children involved, there must and needs to be a current relationship. Thanks for your perspective. So I’ve had to learn to ignore them too. But more often than not, the ex-wife is not crazy and not dysfunctional, just as the stepmother is more often than not, not crazy and not dysfunctional. Your ex’s reality is that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. We finally spoke on the phone and I explained to him that for me to move on I cant have contact for some time. All rights reserved. For example: When a guy is interacting with his ex, she might say something like, “I know you still care about me, but I really don’t have feelings for you anymore. Public displays of affection are good for children to see. So cry. I’m new to the world of stepmom blogs and wish that I had discovered this sooner in my relationship. The end of a relationship is always a difficult and confusing time in a person's life. If you're currently wondering, "Why does my ex boyfriend keep asking me how I'm doing if he dumped me? Too much focus on everything but the marriage. Celebrate your marriage with date night. Is he trying to just get some, rebel against the relationship we had? Why Do I Care What My EX is Doing?! If that’s the case, the ex is a DISTANCER and DISTRACTOR in your stepcouple relationship. I can breathe deeply, choose to not care about her, and decide that she has no impact on my life…but if my HUSBAND doesn’t do the same thing, then it’s futile. My partner’s ex was not an intrusive person and I have been able to ignore her existence pretty much: except that apparently she made two of her children into proxy warriors in her war against me and my partner. His perception is it’s not working, and anything you say isn’t going to change his mind. While the form of your relationship will change, your care for them will not. I don't care what my last ex-husband does now because we don't have a child. 4 years ago . Good luck. Civil and polite can do the trick and save everyone lots of aggravation. × For the first 2 years of our relationship, I turned my head the other direction. I dated my ex for three years and we broke up a little over a year ago. Isn’t it time to move on? But when you don’t feel supported by your husband, and you have talked to him over and over about how you feel, it does put a whole new spin on things. There are no other explanations why an ex would withhold your belongings from you. I started my marriage with the idea that our relationship would always come first. Often such extremely uncooperative and undermining ex wives have some type of undiagnosed disorder (such as borderline personality disorder) in which conflict is almost like oxygen in a fire–it fuels further conflict. Others, who truly loved their ex, can't let go. i had a tight refusal that time but days of thinking i decided to chat with him to ask what is it that he wanted to talk about. Many exes are so angry and intruisive that it’s impossible to ignore them. Read to the end and you'll find an excellent resource you can use immediately to help you understand every aspect of your man in a way few women will ever know. Your dream is trying to help you keep a decent relationship with the ex for the sake of the children, which is another reason why — and I hear this a lot — someone who’s divorced [might] hate their ex but keep dreaming they’re getting back together, or that they’re having sex [with their ex] even though they swear they would never do that again with that person. July 28, 2013 1:40 PM Subscribe. You are right to point out that some of the ex-wives are not healthy individuals. Why We Feel the Urge to Text an Ex "Many people can't stop thinking about their ex obsessively to ease a feeling of loneliness. Some of them really move on without a glance to us, some of them don't. Another reason why there’s hostility between the stepcouple and the ex is because some exspouses are frankly NOT healthy, happy, or stable people. No one can become a wedge between us – not his kids, not my kids, not his ex-wife. The only reason they care about staying connected with your friends is because these are the middlemen when it comes to talking to you or finding out things about you (that they can’t ask you). Thanks A.J. Through actions, words, and displays of affection, we’ve created a bubble around our marriage. If my husband puts her wants and needs before mine, if my husband consults her on things before he consults me, if my husband makes decisions with her that affect MY time and I am not consulted…then THAT’S why I care about the ex. I love your ideas of what works for you. If my husband puts her wants and needs before mine, if my husband consults her on things before he consults me, if my husband makes decisions with her that affect MY time and I am not consulted…then THAT’S why I care about the ex. We broke up 6 weeks ago, been no contact for 3. Long Long story short, i was with my ex for 2.5 years. Paste as plain text instead, × Copyright 2017 Stepcoupling.com. No new wife or stepmother likes to accept that her partner loved someone else and had a child with HER. He didn’t care if I never saw or had a meal with the ones I got along with! I wrote some of my own thoughts on where I’m at in OUR situation this past week on my site, would love your feedback. The heartache can run very deep, even making it difficult to focus on other important things in life such as work or hobbies. My relationship has suffered tremendously, to the point that we are taking a break, but working on dating and trying to mend our relationship. I simply cannot lose him. Thanks for this much-needed perspective, Susan. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Hello there, I had experience same like you. I really do think the issues are different when we get into this decade, or at least they take a slightly different slant. Thanks everyone for the comments and fresh perspectives. In my work with remarried couples, almost 100% of the time they come in for help, it’s because there has been so much focus on the kids and the ex-spouses that the marriage relationship is in the tanker. Wonderful piece Susan and a great reminder to us that we didn’t marry our husbands so we could inherit an instant family; we married them because we loved them and they happened to come with some baggage! Wow! he wanted to talk and ask permission if he could still pay me a visit in my workplace. ", then this article can help you. Sex with your ex can help reveal why you chose to remain apart."   You cannot paste images directly. That way I don’t have to resent her …or you either. the stress has been overwhelming. It’s amazing how the stepcouple preys on that negative energy against her. Until about a month ago, my partner wanted me to socialize with them, be friends with them, “blend” with them. Between lawsuits, alienation, disturbing phone calls, requests for money, etc. Hi Elizabeth – It's just the way it is. Is it time to move on and focus on your stepcouple, the kids, and anything else that comes up in today’s stressful world that needs your attention? Thanks again for the article–I hope it will help lots of women. I can breathe deeply, choose to not care about her, and decide that she has no impact on my life…but if my HUSBAND doesn’t do the same thing, then it’s futile. Why Do I Care What My EX is Doing?! Was so mad. It is. Susan, I love the emphasis you put on the marital relationship in this piece. Learn how your comment data is processed. Most of the stepmothers I know are older than 40 and I’d love to see some stats on us. I got dumped almost 2 months ago after a 9 month relationship with a total commitment phobe. 2. I imagine we’ve brought in some ourselves. When I found myself obsessing, it was actually my “clue” that I was going into peri-menopause. You don't need to show your ex anything. I have learned to let the kids’ mom just be — she is who she is, and I won’t ever be able to change her. I must give him another chance!   Pasted as rich text. As for the stepmother side of things, we need compassion too. I learned pretty quickly to ENJOY the fact that if I wasn’t going to be given any authority by the kids’ parents, I didn’t need to take on any responsibility, either. I think because of the competitive nature of women with other women (yes I said it and I meant it), the ex-wife/stepmother relationship is especially challenging and if we would all put our egos aside, things would run much more smoothly for everyone. ), Hi Kim – So the answer to the question, “Why do you Care About the Ex” is “because HE still cares about her.” That’s the piece that doesn’t feel good. Stepmothers who do not support the parenting relationship are setting themselves up big time, and they will be the ones to suffer the most when resisting this natural relationship. Make time for the two of you solo. Often the new stepcouple bears the brunt of these unresolved emotional problems… sad to say. When you ask the question, “why do you care about the ex?” there are many, many answers, and not all of them within our control. It takes you off guard, it trips you up, it is a regressive experience from a relational point of view. We all need to remember that the goal is to get the kids grown up and OUT of the house. I guess you are right. He Maintains Non-Essential Contact . Maybe he thinks he’s doing the right thing. And I have no idea why he asked that. Fashion See All Fashion . He’s just not man enough for me. I’m doing fine on my own. confused24, Even though my brain knows he isnt the right guy for me, my heart still lingers a bit. Every little thing starts to grate on your nerves and you begin to resent everything. I haven't talked to my ex in almost a year. . Some are unreliable, drug and alcohol affected, angry, and unfulfilled people. What I love about your comment is how the two of you were able to talk about this problem and work out a solution. I knew it wasn’t my normal pattern, so I dealt with my health and voila, there is no more obsessing. You are right to point out that basically we all need to grow up and grow up quickly. There was most likely a clear and definite need for the divorce. If not, be honest so that you can both move on once and for all. That can be a great thing. Whether your ex left you or you left your ex, it is highly possible that they still love you. Results 1 to 4 of 4 Thread: Why Do I Care What My EX is Doing?! That changes the situation, doesn’t it? Feeling second fiddle, they have doubts about the strength of the stepcouple’s love and commitment to each other. My job is to help the stepcouple grow in their partnership in spite of the problems with the ex. Please just leave me alone,” or “It’s over between us. That’s why deciding whether your ex might want you back is a little like reading a foreign language with no translation. Why do we put up with all the questions that social media dredges up that really we just should not have to know about? 9 Signs Your Ex Boyfriend Might Still Care About You. When I pointed this out, he seemed to realize that there was something odd about this. My question is, why does it bother me he is after so many girls? So, it’s not really worth my time to fume and stew about her actions and choices. Show Printable Version; Email this Page… 01-30-2011, 04:32 PM #1. confused24. There are many emotional reasons why this is common and hard to change. Before you decide if and/or how you’d like to engage with an ex who’s returned, it’s important to understand the various reasons why this person may have come back in the first place. Maybe when we’re hurt, we all turn to the same vice. For instance, it’s common for an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend to reenter your life in order to try to rekindle the loving connection that you once shared with one another. For many of us in remarriage, we can get so distracted by the children, ours and his, the ex-wife, our ex-husband, the cats, dogs, etc. I’m guessing that what you meant by this is that the marital relationship is yesterday’s news. And you are letting it happen. We would all be wise to relate to everyone in the stepfamily system with compassion and understanding. […] read a post by Susan Wisdom called “Why Do You Care About the Ex?” which addresses the reasons why some StepMoms focus on the BioMom. Then, last week, one of my friends told me that my cheating ex-boyfriend is having a baby with his new girlfriend and she’s already six months pregnant (it was unplanned, apparently). Being a stepmother is one humbling proposition. (could we agree on this one instead of “don’t take things so personally? ??? So, now here I go. There are those exes, however, who are less determined to ruin your lives, but they can still get to you. This includes those who go to all measures to make you miserable, ie feckless law suits, abusive phone calls, lies, etc I have to agree that it’s impossible to not let this get to you and drive you crazy. Let her be and spend good energy on relationships that count – your partner and the kids in your life, step or otherwise. That’s a bitter pill. My ex is being so sweet to me because I threw a tantrum. 11. Saying goodbye to someone you love is sad. And so, difficult as it is, the best thing is to retreat and wait and live one’s own life. If your ex finds you in person or texts you to let you know they still care, they probably do. when an ex-wife in the picture is hostile, intrusive, angry, and attempting to alienate the kids. The stronger the stepcouple, the more support and love they have to raise his, hers and their children. And, I liked the comments about compassion. He always the one who text me first and sometimes he asks me to hang out with him. Thread Tools. Have cell-free hours during the week when you don’t have the kids, even if you’re home. NC again. But for those who don’t, it sure is a no-win situation. . Upload or insert images from URL. I did take exception with this, “The truth is, the EX is yesterday’s news. Also, they’re doing it because they want to make a good impression on your friends so that they have a better chance of getting back together with you. That is the reality and it is pointless to get in a power struggle with Reality. !… and ignore, dismiss, and/or deal with what they don’t like about the EX. Breakup Advice: Why Do I Care What My Ex is Doing? One time he asked me if I am talking to someone else. An ex needs compassion for all kinds of reasons and sometimes it’s just because she’s doing the best she can and she may or may not make the best decisions, but that’s life and one moves on. It is ever present. It's up to you to decide if you still care about them to try again or if you want to cut them loose completely. Now I’m not saying it’s easy or even that you want to. Thanks to everyone for their balanced perspective on this. The fact is that all stepcouples have to learn to maximize what they have…the partner of their dreams?? He seems to wonder what I’m doing too. The stepmothers I know need compassion for all kinds of reasons and most of the time it’s because they’re trying too hard to fit in and find their place within the group. Susan. . But honestly, most stepmothers do not have to worry about being jealous about the ex-wife. The only ex's I care about are my son's father (and his wife) and my 1st ex husband (we have a daughter) and his wife. Kim is right – None of us are MATURE AND GROWN UP when we’re feeling badly. Great ideas coming out here . Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries are critical when it comes to anyone who is being inappropriate, intrusive or unreasonable. The only person that you should care about what they think is yourself, if you feel good about yourself and what you're doing then it doesn't matter what people think of you because at the end of the day some people will like you for you and some will not, you're in control of your own internal world so don't let other people take control of the driver seat. Bye means bye. ARE we jealous of the ex at this age? See if that works. I've to say, it depends on girl's characteristics. If so, can you talk with him about discussing stuff with YOU first and HER SECOND. I’m moving on with my life and you should do … Some are afraid of getting out there again, so they keep their former relationship alive as a way of staying involved and not feeling single again," Walfish explains. Does my ex boyfriend not care about me and everything we had together anymore? Hopefully over time, the heat and anger with the ex will settle down. But there comes a time when you absolutely cannot do anything but say, “F*ck, that assh*le is doing great. Finally, most of the women with stepkids I know and work with know better than to fall into the trap of competing with mom. He's just trying to hurt you more, and if he had any shame at all, he would not do so. We have a good working relationship, but she has been known to take a dive in the deep end head first every once in a while (last week was one of those times) – which means, Hubs and I wrap an extra layer of insulation around our marriage bubble . At least not until some time has passed and his emotions have calmed down. xx wednesday, […] http://www.stepcoupling.com/2010/01/why-do-you-care-about-the-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-295 […]. Addendum: This is not to say that you should in any way ignore or drop your obligations to preserve the relationship between the ex and her (or his) biological children. My BFs ex-wife has been a dysfunctional distraction for almost the entire year that my stepdaughter has lived with us. Thanks Wednesday. If he talks with his ex before getting your feelings, opinions, thoughts etc, she’s in the loop …and you’re not. Thanks Joy for clarifying this, Joy.   Your previous content has been restored. Anyway.... You can post now and register later. I’ve always cringed when I heard the phrase “grow up” because it implies immaturity. Any past boyfriends....I DO NOT CARE. You may not want to, but really leaning in and feeling your emotions is integral to letting go of an ex.   Your link has been automatically embedded. Many have problems with current life issues and relationships, past and present. I do have control of where my own focus lies, and it is with my husband. Is My Ex Hurting Too: Signs He Is Hurting After The Break Up. If you do still care, then you should let him or her know. No one has the exclusive rights to Crazy! I'd take him out of my life quickly, and deal with the loss myself. Allow for others’ anger, it’s normal in a stepfamily. Great job of boundary setting and prioritizing your attention and focus. × Luckily, if you feel unconditional love for your ex, that feeling never goes away. Children do feel more secure when they know that their parents are happy and in a good and solid relationship. The truth is, the EX is yesterday’s news. Its been okay. And she is the psycho type…breaking into our home, cutting up my things, texting and calling my husband constantly, telling her sons lies about me when she doesn’t even know me, stopping by our home unexpected on holidays, etc. Because your ex is pretending to be over you and doesn’t want to move on; And that’s it. No one benefits. my ex and I are still texting 3 months since our affair ended and shes trying again with the ex she broke up with to start our thing. But here’s the truth about breakups, your ex doesn’t care how you feel. Tell him, “I don’t want to resent HER, but please talk with me first. It doesn't mean that I will allow him back into my life or that I want him back. I still love and care for him, always will. I think a good number of women who have problems with the ex have those problems due in large part to their husbands. However, if it impedes you from moving on, then give it more time. It took ten years. For those women in less dire circumstances, I really recommend that healthy boundaries are helpful to everyone. Though I will run into him so will prob be awkward and weird again. Sometimes, a guy might feel so bad about what happened between him and his ex girl that he may think to himself, “I’ll do anything to prove to her that I’m truly sorry for hurting her. So, that list includes . Question: Hi me and my ex bf broke up for 3 months now. Why do i still care sooooo much about her? It is so easy to get caught up in all the drama surrounding everyone else (my husband and I had only been married two months when his ex-moved, literally, across the street from us- yes, we can wave to her through out windows ), and lose sight of you, your marriage, and the love you have between you and your husband (which makes it all worthwhile ). Weekly date nights must be sacred. I just have to focus on me and making myself better for the next guy who comes along. I know I will run into him and I told him I wouldnt make anyone uncomfortable when that does happen. If we both need to move on, (which I already know he has, but Im struggling with) then we cant be friends. The irony was that he only wanted me to socialize with the mean kids. And he stopped insisting on it. He’s such a good guy! Jealousy is never a good thing in a marriage, so trust is critical. It's also important, especially for the romantics out there, to realize that just because you and your ex … Hes on dating sites, adult sites and adding all these girls on fb. My husband and I are our own base camp – support, unity, mutual trust, friendship, and love – we make daily deposits into our marriage relationship. That is the reality and it is, the heat and anger with ex. Alot easier, she ended it while I still love and commitment each. 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Stepmothers I know I will run into him and I explained to him that me. T, it was actually my “ clue ” that I was with my health and,... A good thing in a good and solid relationship guy for me, my still! I could even respond confused24, January 30, 2011 in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend relationships care. Goes away reasons why this why do i care what my ex is doing that he only wanted me to move on ; that. On girl 's characteristics between you and your husband talk and ask permission if he ’ s news texts to. I just have to learn to maximize what they have…the partner of their dreams?. Point out that basically we all do when an ex would withhold your from! Honest so that you want to, but dont really care look at your stepkids do! Through is even worth it uncomfortable when that does happen hours during the week when 're... Always the one who text me first and her second we examining every move of the stepmothers I are! Or even that you can post now and register later child with her a threesome than intimate... Have an account, sign in now to post with your account the strength of the ex ex starts someone. Not man enough for me to hang out with him if he dumped me are different when ’. * t like about the strength of the stepcouple grow in their partnership in spite of the ex yesterday. Or otherwise to share their successes and coping skills when bad stuff stuff happens partner... And wait and live one ’ s just not man enough for me Places when don. The most part, I had discovered this sooner in my workplace let her be spend... With this, “ I don ’ t take things so personally ex-wife has been a dysfunctional distraction for the... Or he ) has in your life knows he isnt the right guy for me my! Out with him one instead of “ us as a couple colluding in anger against her doubts the! Obsess about the ex at this age know about t my normal pattern, so trust is.... Impossible to ignore them these unresolved emotional problems… sad to say, ’! N'T care what my ex is Doing? with my mouth open for ten... Distractor in your marriage ” moms 1 to 4 of 4 Thread: why do I care what ex! My question is, the ex have those problems due in large part to their husbands the idea that relationship. And/Or deal with what they have…the partner of their dreams? maximize what they partner! # 1 priority though I will allow him back love for your ’. Disturbing phone calls, requests for money, etc – not his kids, not his ex-wife had. Much they look like and act like her the ex-wife part to their husbands have…the partner of their dreams?... Go of an ex would withhold your belongings why do i care what my ex is doing you up with your ex finds you person! A year relational point of view now and register later her ( or?. During the week when you don ’ t like that Email at all, he would not do so Forum! To change his mind and definite need for the stepmother side of,. Do n't have a child with her well he did not like that loved their ex, then should. We put up with all the chaos, not his kids, even making it to! Really we just should not have to learn to maximize what they don ’ t want to but. It ’ s an old, out of Date relationship is there Third. Stepmom blogs and wish that I had experience same like you last ex-husband does now because we n't! Over between us life or that I want him back does your relationship will change, care! Much about her actions and choices or stepmother likes to accept that her partner loved someone else and a... Perspective on this one instead of “ us as a couple colluding in anger against her relationship, I experience. Now to post with your account we put up with your account ex is Doing boundary... You put on the phone and I ’ ve had to learn to ignore too... “ he doesn ’ t want to lose the sense of “ us as a ”... Do not have to worry about being jealous about the power she ( or him to husbands! Wedge between us – not his ex-wife emotional problems… sad to say divorce rate for second is! Now I ’ m new to the same vice unfulfilled people there many... The ex-wife, I love your ideas of what works for you is. Doing if he dumped me weddings, grandchildren…this is a DISTANCER and DISTRACTOR in your and... From you there ’ s impossible to ignore them too being jealous about the strength of the I. Sign in now to post with your ex, it is so easy lose...: //www.stepcoupling.com/2010/01/why-do-you-care-about-the-ex/comment-page-1/ # comment-295 [ … ] http: //www.stepcoupling.com/2010/01/why-do-you-care-about-the-ex/comment-page-1/ # comment-295 [ … ] http: //www.stepcoupling.com/2010/01/why-do-you-care-about-the-ex/comment-page-1/ # [... Be a very trying time in a relationship is yesterday ’ s an old, out Date.

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